Hi RedditSo my mom (55F) and I (28F) have a very strange relationship. I have been extremely enmeshed with her for most of my life, and was finally able to get out of it last September when I moved 5 hours away. I had to get away, and my mental health has never been better since doing so. I finally feel like a free adult and don't have a constant obligation to my mom needing to spend time with me. My mom has never respected my need for time or independence and expects me to hang out with her whenever I am available and takes me on a major guilt trip when I don't. She does not respect my schoolwork or need to study. When I lived with her I eventually had to drop out of school because my marks were so bad from the constant pressure from her to hang out and be there for her. She was in a terrible relationship back then that I also had to deal with. When I have a boyfriend or begin dating someone, she has done things like threaten suicide because I'm not spending enough time with her. She has also refused to pay for my post secondary school because I have spent too much time at a boyfriend's house and told me I had to get student loans. Because of this, I have a lot of resentment towards her from my early adulthood because of this and what she's put me through.Finally at 27 when I moved away I was able to feel like a normal person who could hang out with friends and not have to explain myself to my mother and stress about what she would think or if she is waiting for me. She always used to "wait around" for me which I never asked her to do, and then she would hold it against me saying she can't do anything because she was waiting around for me again. Since moving my relationship with my partner (27M) has improved tremendously as I am less stressed. I'm also doing much better in school as I have time to commit to it. Overall my life has just improved since moving away from my mother.So recently, she threw herself into a relationship with Joe (50M) and within a month they started talking about marriage, moving in, etc. My mom has never been married or even lived with a guy, so this was all very exciting for her. When she gets into a new relationship, it's a great break for me because she basically forgets I exist. It's nice to not have to dedicate an hour to my evening to our obligatory phone call, but of course it makes me very bitter that it's totally okay for her to ghost me when she gets into a relationship but when I do she threatens me. Also, when my mom and I talk, she listens to absolutely nothing I say. I can be deep in a story and she will suddenly cut me off to tell me what her cat is doing and then takes off from there. She also still has no idea what I'm studying in school and tells everyone I'm in the same field as her because "I want to be just like my mom one day" (I don't. I'm studying HR, she is in finance). Because of this, being around her I feel very immature and unheard. It's like I revert back to an insecure 13 year old girl with no life experience or knowledge as that's exactly how she treats me. She dismisses everything I say if I don't agree with her, and she is absolutely impossible to reason with. She is ALWAYS right and she won't stop until you agree with her.So over this past weekend we had Thanksgiving (Canadian) and had a big meal planned with me, my bf, and Bob and his family. The night before dinner, Bob and my mom had a huge falling out and broke up. She says he started acting crazy and ended the relationship out of the blue . It was so bad that he KICKED his own bags out the door and stormed off. Well, it turns out he's an addict and began using again. Information my mom kept from me because she thought she could fix him. So my weekend was spent consoling her and begging her to not go back to him, but she did and he ended up dumping her this morning once again.Now my mom is sad and heartbroken (understandably so) and has decided to take a week off work. She has asked to come stay here for a week. I work 45hrs a week and am in school. I have a test today that had no time to study for over the weekend because I had to be my mom's emotional support. My BF also has midterms this week, and he is extremely allergic to her cat who she wants to bring for her weeklong visit. We are both doing school online in our small apartment and are home all day with no escape. My typical day is work from 8-6 and then immediately attend a lecture for my evening classes from 6-9, and/or study and catch up on homework after that. I have very little free time, especially in the weeks coming up. I told my mom this and she's now upset with me and trying to make me feel bad.She's also announced that her house will be listed by the end of the week, and her plan is to move to my city to be with me. Thinking about it makes me want to die to be brutally honest, as I simply can't give her what she needs if/when she moves here. This city has become my safe haven from her and I'm not ready to be back under her manipulation. She has no one other than me, I am her only child. Everyone is so fooled by our relationship thinking we are soooo close because of the ooey gooey posts she makes on fb, but the reality is that she actually manipulates me and coerces me into spending time with her. She has also always given me the silent treatment since I was little and its been very damaging to me and something I still struggle with.I guess I'm looking for advice on how to handle her trying to crash here for a week, and how to handle her moving here soon. I've made so much progress mentally and feel it's all going to go away. She is not a rational person I can reason with or be honest with. All she does is cries and tells me this is how I treat her when she's done so much for me, she will just die alone, xyz. And also I have stressed and stressed to her to get therapy, but she refuses. She very much thinks she is fine and it's everyone else with the problems. This weekend I sent her 6 psychologists in her area to contact, and all she's done is continue to make excuses. Oh and also I am in therapy to help me deal with setting boundaries with her. Any advice or acknowledgements are very much appreciated fellow Redditors! via /r/JUSTNOMIL https://ift.tt/3iPV516
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