How do you start over?

So like many of you I have always had a problem with over eating. I’d like to vent and ask for help, and if anyone cares to share their story it is welcome. I’ll try to make mine as brief as possible:From and early age I would find myself binge eating an entire bag of goldfish chased by soda after soda. I become overweight as a teenager and remained so until I went to college. In my college years I found myself so busy between school and work that I naturally lost weight from simply not having enough time to chronically snack.Fast forward a few years and once I graduated and started working full time I did gain some weight back... but I then found group exercise classes and fell in love with the various formats. I managed to loose some weight, however what was more impressive was I was gaining muscle and stamina. I eventually got to the point where I was spending 1.5 to 2 hours 5 days a week at the gym. It was wonderful. I pretty much ate whatever I wanted and didn’t gain a pound because I would just “burn it off” at the gym. I know that’s not the ideal scenario for maintaining a healthy lifestyle but that was my balancing act... until I injured myself.3 years ago I developed a bone spur on my heel that prevented me from doing the high intensity interval training classes I depended on so much (not only for maintaining my weight but also my mental health).I became disillusioned and ultimately quit the gym all together. Now, without the gym I naturally would have to change my eating habits to maintain my weight... but of course I couldn’t. I gained a significant amount of weight back and lost all the muscle I worked so hard to build.Now, since COVID and a schedule where can work from home a fair amount... I am the heaviest I’ve ever been and am genuinely uncomfortable in my own skin (5’7” 220 lbs female)... but I still can’t muster the will power to work out (I bought a stationary bike that I’ve used for a total of 3 weeks before giving up.) I still haven’t been able to change my eating habits for the better... food has become the highlight and the lowlight of my day. It depresses me how much value I give food... and how little value I feel for myself.I find myself dwelling on the past... wondering what if I hadn’t quit the gym. Trying to will myself to have the same enthusiasm for exercising that I used to have. But more importantly, I find myself being extremely hard on myself. It’s a mindset that if I can’t give 100% to obtaining my old lifestyle then why bother in the first place.Ultimately I have never found a solution to my over eating. Working out was just a band aid on a crack in the dam. It was bound to fail at som point and now that it has, it’s forcing me to ask myself what’s wrong with me that I can’t regulate my eating like “normal” people. It’s basically sent me into a downward spiral that I’ve never experienced before and I don’t know how to climb out of it.If you made it this far I thank you very much for reading. I just wanted to get this off my chest as I don’t really speak to anyone about this. via /r/FoodAddiction https://ift.tt/3jshN0g