Considering rational suicide primarily from medical issues

I, 70F, have had my health go down the tubes in the last 6 years. Some problems before that were knee surgery 50 years ago, and bilateral Morton's neuroma surgeries. Malignant melanoma 29 years ago. Fractured spine--untreated--at the same time. In 2014, heart attack and 2 stents. Reaction to cardiac medicine was rheumatoid arthritis. Accident in 2016 broke off 5 toenails at the nail matrix. No one seemed to know that toenails do not show up on x-rays, so doctor's assumed that I had a diabetic ulcer, although I don't even have pre-diabetes. Four toenails grew out. One did not. Doctors discovered that I had peripheral vascular disease and assumed that was causing the problem with the toe whose nail had not regrown. Vascular surgeon opened the toe, which allowed the broken toenail to work out. The piece of toenail that came out was 5/8' x 1/2". I put it in a pill bottle and brought it to the next appointment. Doctor wasn't interested. This was after 5 months of having the broken-off toenail in my toe. She did not put in a drain or make any effort to keep the wound open so that it could heal from the inside. It closed up and developed gangrene, She wanted to amputate my forefoot. I refused. The end of my toe autoamputated and then healed.I had a bypass fem-fem. Same doctor told me when the wound-vac quit working not to worry about it and see her in 10 days. Infection and debridement. The debridement caused a torsion in the graft. I have pain in that area when I sit or bend over. When I sleep, it affects my bladder.I also have idiopathic peripheral neuropathy. There is no treatment.My latest abis were .91, which was a great improvement. In April, they were .77.I have an anaphylactic reaction to contrast media, which makes imaging very difficult. Still, when they did the bypass, the CT-A, after 3 days of allergy protocol, made the radiologist very nervous. I was still reacting to the contrast medium. The report showed that in addition to the blockage in the left ilial artery, there was an aortic stenosis. I had kept telling the doctors that the claudication symptoms were in my buttocks and on both sides, but they chose to ignore that. No one ever sent the radiology report--which also showed a mass on the gallbladder and an ovarian cyst, as well as the aortic stenosis, to my PCP.A year later, I went to my PCP and said that it didn't make sense. That I still couldn't walk very far, and that it was both legs--not just one. I thought that there had to be a blockage higher up. At that time, I didn't know about the CT-A report either. He sent me to an interventional radiologist, who used CO2 for contrast, found the aortic blockage, and stented it.I'm better, but still can't walk well. My balance sucks. I had a stepladder slip out from under me, landed on my head, and had a concussion.Etc.As I understand it, the arteries will never heal. They can't.There are financial considerations as well. And I have no desire to be a burden on my children.I have one child out of four who would step up. I don't want to ruin her life. She's really the only reason that I'm still alive.Why bother? via /r/AskDocs https://ift.tt/3klbtYM