The lie of it all

When my friend told me she only heard bullshit when I explained to her why we cut ties, I tried to reason with her. It couldn't be lies--I trusted you, and you're human, flawed as you are, you get your dark days too.It was understandable that you wanted to be off the grid; that you didn't have the energy to talk to people at that time. That you had a lot on your plate and you didn't really have time for casual conversations. That you wanted to focus on your family and health first because this pandemic was no joke. I didn't doubt your reasons for a second.I guess it was easier for me to believe that it wasn't my fault. Who would want to accept that they were responsible for ruining something so precious, right? And it was neither your fault, too. It's this stupid pandemic, giving you anxiety.But then, not even a month had passed, and I see your post where you're looking for new people. And yet my messages to you remain unread. It was supposed to just be a pause between us, wasn't it? Or am I remembering wrong, was it actually a 'stop'?I guess, then, it was me all along. I know to an extent it was me. You used to ask me why people have ghosted me in the past, it was beyond me (maybe), so I always told you it was a reason you'd find out for yourself. I guess you eventually did, but you were just too nice to tell me. Well, now, I wouldn't really know for sure. And I can't really be sure if you did lie.But thank you, I guess, for sparing me that narrative. They did say ignorance is bliss (jk it's torture, for an inquisitive mind like mine). And sorry--that I couldn't be one of your constants.Live a good life, happy solar return. via /r/OffMyChestPH https://ift.tt/2Itjz3D