Hello everyone this is my first time posting here and I would love to hear from the ladies here. First, a bit about my background I come from a very religious, conservative Muslim family. Obviously, homosexuality is a huge taboo in my culture and I know they would never accept me if I am what I think I may be. I do live in a western country fortunately enough (Canada). I’ve always felt extremely confused ever since a young age. I remember the first time I had begun to have crushes on people was in the seventh grade. I remember really liking this boy in my class, I never told him and nothing ever happened, and it was just a typical middle school folly. But one experience that confused and shook me was having strange feelings for my female friend. I remember feeling really warm and fuzzy on the inside when I was with her (she was really funny and we got on really well) but couldn’t figure out if this was just loving your friend or perhaps something more. I tried to talk to her about it one day and she said, “if you tell me you like girls, I’ll never talk to you again.” We were just children and it was really taboo in our culture so I just shrugged it off and forgot about it.Throughout high school I had unserious, for the sake of alleviating boredom type crushes on guys (and one of my male teachers, who I obviously never said anything to and nothing happened). Fast forward, a couple years to university and I see this absolutely stunning girl who just had this aura of etherealness to her and from that moment I made it my mission just to talk to her (not date her or want anything more) but just to be in her presence. I don’t know why she had such an effect on me. I’ve seen and known other beautiful women (some more beautiful than her) but I’ve never been this drawn to anyone, man or woman. Maybe she was just a rarity. When I spoke to her, she was very kind and sweet and we bonded over our physics class together. I never got to know her that deeply and she did have a boyfriend so nothing happened. I have no idea why I felt that way once about her. Would this be called admiration? Could I possibly be attracted to women too?Last year, I had my first relationship with a guy, I fell in love with him but he turned out to be a manipulative narcissist. I’m still a virgin. I was going to have sex with him and I used to have regular sexual fantasies about us but I changed my mind due to all his emotional abuse. He was the first person I fell in love with. Everyone before didn’t matter. He broke my heart. It took me a while to get over him but it was I who wanted out in the end. He was very damaging to my mental health and I no longer have feelings for him. I also must mention I don’t have a good relationship with my dad and I am generally untrusting of straight males and I have come to hate most of them (I feel like I need to be as honest as possible here). I’m generally considered conventionally attractive and I receive attention from males but it doesn’t really mean much anymore. I want to try and have a relationship with a woman but I don’t ever want to break a woman’s heart. That’s the last thing I want. I know my culture and sexual confusion would destroy any relationship with a woman. Another part of me really wants to try a genuine relationship with a woman so I know for sure. What should I do? Am I valid in my feelings or am I just another one of those annoying straight girls who’s become disillusioned with males and wants to pass time with a woman? via /r/LesbianActually https://ift.tt/3dH3enI
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